Silver Platter Club

I wish that I could get up in the early morning time

Things would fall out of the sky into my lap

I wish I had the brain of a tyrannosaurus rex

So that I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap

I wish that I'd been born with skin that turned to golden brown

While at the beach relaxing in the summer time

I wish that I was good at football baseball and lacrosse

Darts and basketball and poker golf and chess

I'm sorry that they didn't hand it to me

On a silver platter like they did to you

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to become

The man you think I should aspire to

I wish I had the genes of Edwardo Verastegui

That I was effortlessly masculine as well

I wish that confidence was all you could see in my eyes

Like those interviews in locker rooms with talented sports guys

I wish I had no self awareness like the guys I know

Float right through their lives without a thought

And that I didn't give a shit what anybody thought of me

That I was so relaxed you'd think that I was bored

I'm sorry that they didn't hand it to me

On a silver platter like they did to you

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to become

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